PAINT BRUSH

i

We knew a woman who told us that she could have gone on swimming forever.

As far as I know, she didn't, but I can't remember her name.

What I’d like to ask:
Have I become her?

What would my sister say? And—would she be saying it as a sister, a therapist, or a patient?
Something else entirely?

As I’ve said, we’ve both been mothers and daughters.
(no longer)

ii

Much, more, most.

Who’s got?

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Get at the facts. Identify difference.

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Her teeth are movie star white.
Her prerogative, but where is she trying to go with this?

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She eats her way through the world; we both do.

Anyone does!

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Lions in cages?

Lionesses?
Do we still use female versions of words or has such usage been expurgated?

Is our language now ironed out, has it been made even?
Equality doesn’t exist, though we may believe desperately in the concept.

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And, the two sisters: even?
Equal?

Ironed out?

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Who’s got game?
She has, no doubt.

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I read that the only truly successful American product today is desire for what hasn’t yet been produced.

No one wants to be left behind.

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Easier to forge boundaries than to disclose likenesses.
I and you and she congeal.

(We never wear the same clothes but occasionally we buy the same brand.)

*

Sometimes, hating your sister is the most natural thing in the world.
You come down hard from the ease of it.

She may take delight in making you cry for your supper.

*

Sing?

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She says: That’s some transference!

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(When I weep, she can’t hear or does but won’t acknowledge the sound.

Then, one day, she does. I weep for her hearing, in her hearing.)

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Once, I’m sure, we let our childish tongues duel, tasting the saliva of each other,
underneath a homemade tent: card table and blanket. A cave.

Or was that a dream?

iii

In her dreams, our friend Roula runs after the hero of her Turkish soap opera, I am in labor, my husband is sad.

*

He asked: Is Roula’s story tragic?
I pounced: No!

A woman alone is no tragedy.

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Does my sister sometimes color me tragic or is that my own paint brush?

*

Sister, both patient and practitioner.
What carpet divides?
How different your air?

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